Cover Your Eyes So You Don't Know The Secret

This might sound really weird. 

But I have noticed that by everyday life gets more fun and better when I think about good things and don't think about those crappy things that sometimes jumps out of my mouth because I can't keep everything inside and then I will explode and everyone thinks I'm annoying. So.. I will make it short here. If I can.

All that load of crap talk and comments and everything.. So unnecessary. And if you have a bad day don't come and tell me about something I don't even care about. Keep that away from me. Far, far away.

When I can't listen to that rubbish of yours, I just walk away. Simple as that.

That's my defense, I need space and distance. The air around me feels like it's strangling me.

And then.. I can breath again. 

Could anyone learn me how to handle these situations in any other way.. or is this even normal (or human)..  And somehow. It feels like everything repeats itself. Like I have written about this 4 times or something. It's a never ending circle and it always comes back in the same form. And always effects me the most. Maybe the problem is me. Or everyone else. I don't know what to think anymore. I just hope this will end up sometime!

 Now I just listen to sad songs because they are bringing up these stupid memories. Sometimes I wish I could go into my mind and put it on stop-mode. So that I wouldn't remember a thing from the past. But then, I wouldn't be able to learn from my mistakes.

Or remember the good things, happy moments.. OH GOD, why is life so complicated?!

Should I study to become a psychologist when I find these life-dreams-memories-questions so fascinating.. -.-'

And now I just want to scream really loud so that every neighbour can hear me.

Let all this anger and relief come out..

You could imagine me as a huge bomb that loads all needless information inside and then I keep it inside for a while.. Until something launches that bomb and I just want to dig myself a hole in the ground. Then I have hard to crawl up to the surface again. But I have survived.. thrice.. I think. Does it make me strong? Oh yes, but it keeps dragging me down into that hole over and over again. "Here we go again"  Hope you got that pictured.

 I did, with many details. Not denying it. 

And because I'm a sensitive peace of thoughts and feelings.. I nearly started crying when I talked with a friend on Facebook. We talked about loneliness. And I got tears in my eyes.

So, I have decided that I will now concentrate on what's good in life. Not all that negativity that some are so talented to show others. You can try to drag me down, but I'll get up from that hole by my own. Because I care, I feel for real and I don't bring everyone down because I have a bad day. I'm true, I'm not fake. I don't play any games, I don't try to be better than I am, I'm true to who I am. 

To end this so called essay, I find music suitable.

Haadi