I'm have a restless soul. I can't just be and have nothing to do, I need to have something that keeps me occupied. It feels like my life isn't moving anywhere.
So I talked about making a new blog and so I did. It's now time to say goodbye to this blog.
Here is the new one : nouw.com/heidiih
I'm having a severe age crisis going on. I have about one week time to be a teenager. That is so crazy to actually turn 20. I can't keep up with the time. How awful mustn't it be, like I should be an adult now but it definitely doesn't feel like it. I'm still doing stupid shit mistakes and I now know that it is me, myself and I who has to bare all the consequences. I have just experienced life as fun and partying these last two years but lately it has been a little too much of that. Getting emotional here because of all my lovely and dear friends who still is there for me. Even though we don't meet all the time I still have you in my heart. It really means a lot. I know I only can say this when I'm drunk but now I stepped up and said it in a sober state of mind.
Still it feels like I'm not doing anything important so a little party never killed nobody. Hahah.
I still feel like I don't know for 100% certainty where I'm going to be next fall and that is scaring me a lot. Late night angst bye.
So lately I have been thinking about changing my blog adress and start fresh and begin a new chapter so to say.
I have had this blog since New Year's Eve 2011, so I kind of feel like something needs to change.
I have some really old texts here and I would be more than happy to erase them. I have also thought about changing the language to swedish but I really don't know. I'll see what I decide.
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Do you know the feeling when you hear a song that takes you back to a time that was nice then but now it's only an empty memory? A memory connected to something you don't want to remember and you just change the song when you hear it e.g. from the radio. I have at least one.
It is a good song no doubt, but I just can't listen to it.
Yeah, I think I'm not the only one having this issue.
Oh, I forgot to mention this in the last post. I have to admit it. I'm obsessed with the 50 shades of grey soundtrack. One fact that will happen again this year. Me and pizza on Valentine's day, that's a date.
Tomorrow Fridayy! Here are some songs to cheer up the dancing mood for the weekend.
Have I learned to stop doing that.. apparently not. Let go of the past.
Every time I remember that old, nasty stuff I just want to run as far as possible.
I can joke about it in some situations, but otherwise I won't mention it.
No, I have to hide it deep, deep down where not even me can find it. But that is going to be impossible since I'm such a fool. And the biggest question is why it keeps popping up in my mind all the time. Phew. Grrauh.
And then it quickly transforms to anger, hatred, sadness and other really bizarre feelings.
Whatever. "Don't say maybe if you want to say no" Should learn to do that more often.
Why is it so hard to forget?
Repressed memories. I would want to be able to organize the things I don't want to remember. It's quite a lot actually when it's 20 years of unnecessary shit to carry around.
I feel so empty.. and stressed. I don't know what I should prioritize. I have too many 'should I' in my mind right now. I shouldn't make such a big deal of it but still it's spooking in the back of my mind. I know that in order to get into any school I have to start reading n.o.w. but I have the other thing coming up before that. Siigh. Oh well. Just general anxiety about these things.
here's a couple of pictures
not my cake no no, my brother's birthday cake.
this happened yesterday, parteey.
I'm going to spend the rest of the evening watching some Mentalist and Ch. P.D.
So yesterday I didn't manage to think nor do anything clearly. I felt so dizzy with all the painkillers. I think I never have experienced that kind of headache and agonizing pain in my body. Some kind of flu trying to overtake me. Just like someone was trying to dig out my eyes from my head.
Anyways I have started reading for my exam now and I must say that everything is much more interesting now than back then. I didn't care enough to get really good grades, I just wanted those courses to be over and pass them.
My priorities are from the a$$. Like literally. My motivation is at the rock bottom, which it shouldn't be right now. I have that freaking exam in two months and a shitload to read. Shame on me hah. I don't even remember how to make notes anymore jeez. And I have some minor stress about where I'm going to apply in a couple of months or so. I know two study subjects so to say but the two others I have had on my mind is a bit of a blur. I have been thinking about a different town and that sort of thing but we'll see what I decide. Couldn't someone give me a sign please I have a hard time deciding in this head of mine. Well, I have plenty of time, not.
